ALL 50 STATES DESCRIBED BY A BRIT, WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO AMERICA
A British man who goes by the handle Human Not Bees has given his impression of all 50 United States, only he’s never been to America. Here’s what he says. (We know this is long. Maybe just pick a few, or break it into segments.)
– Alabama is famous for having their fingers crossed when they surrendered.
– Alaska is famous for being in Canada.
– Arizona is famous for being where Satan vacations to get some heat.
– Arkansas is famous for literally nothing.
– California is famous for being where you can get wine and get exploited.
– Colorado didn’t exist until they invented weed a few years ago.
– Connecticut is famous for where Bostonians stop for gas on the way to New York.
– Delaware isn’t famous, it was just first.
– Georgia is famous for being on the end of some TV shows we see over here and maybe has peaches.
– Hawaii is a beautiful place that once had royalty and the deposed queen wrote a book.
– Idaho is famous for making and eating potatoes.
– Illinois is famous for having a place called “The Windy City” as if that’s a positive trait somehow.
– Indiana is famous for being named as a “[Screw} you” to the people who lived there to start with.
– Iowa is famous for corn and nothing else.
– Kansas is famous for The Wizard of Oz and it’s been downhill ever since.
– Kentucky is famous for the chicken fast food places.
– Louisiana is famous, I assume, because someone called Louise lived there and was cool.
– Maine is famous for lobsters and weird accents in movies.
– Maryland is famous for being a theme park brimming with people called Mary.
– Massachusetts is famous for Matt Damon movies.
– Michigan is famous for having a city that made enough cars that everyone could leave.
– Minnesota is famous for saying “Oh yah?” like in that movie with the pregnant lady and Steve Buscemi.
– Mississippi is famous for a hillbilly river.
– Missouri is famous for having a place called Kansas City just to confuse people.
– Montana is famous for being a mountain people live on.
– Nebraska is famous for being flat which, guys, c’mon, that’s not an achievement.
– Nevada is famous for losing all your money in the desert.
– New Hampshire is famous for being nothing like actual Hampshire (England).
– New Jersey is famous for being nothing like actual Jersey (England).
– New Mexico is famous for being nothing like actual Mexico.
– New York is famous for being nothing like actual York. (England)
– North Carolina is famous for inventing the phrase, “Is Pepsi OK?”
– North Dakota is famous for nothing, I’ve literally never heard of it.
– Ohio is famous for having at least one talented astrophysicist.
– Oklahoma is famous for a musical I haven’t seen.
– Oregon is famous for being named after an herb. Other than that, this whole place is news to me.
– Pennsylvania is where the Amish live, and they’re apparently just like our European Dutch people.
– Rhode Island is famous for, er, being an island I guess?
– South Carolina is famous for getting merc’d by nature on the regular. (“merc’d” is to get defeated in the extreme.)
– South Dakota is famous for nothing, I’ve literally never heard of it.
– Tennessee is famous for saying “I do declare” and people fanning themselves on porches.
– Texas is famous for big trucks and small penises.
– Utah is famous for being where all your morons and preppers and general nutjobs gather to be alone.
– Vermont is famous for being the home of famed socialist and progressive politician Bernie Sanders.
– Virginia is famous for tricking me, as I thought it was one of those states where there’s a north and south because of that song. I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with East and West Virginia separately.
– Washington is famous for not being Washington D.C. which is elsewhere and not a state, but also not a town. I think this one is where Frasier lives.
– West Virginia is famous for ok what the hell, why is there a Virginia and a West Virginia? Get your [crap] together.
– Wisconsin is famous for being where you Americans pretend to make cheese and fail.
– Wyoming is just a big field with a buffalo in it.
**And best for last...Florida is famous for literally every news article that makes Europe go "oh God, that country!"